Just had a strange revelation last night....Not really sure what brought it on but It had me wonderin...

Kinda long so.....Might get interrupted or have to end it short....

When I was 12...We lived in a house in the country...Kept our doors unlocked all the time..My step-brother had two friends who were brothers...Randy and his lil brother Tommy who was 15.  Since I was 12, I went to a different school than them, and didnt really hang out with them..Just saw them around the house in the morning and after school.

I had lost my virginity to a girl 3 yrs older than me that summer, But was sexually under-developed, and hadnt even started masturbating yet..

Tommy was a redneck, stocky, 15 year old.  I didnt know I was gay yet...so I didnt relaly pay him that much attention.  One night I was in my room listening to the radio...When he came in.  My step brother and I had rooms and a bathroom, in a detached part of the house connected by a breezeway...Tommy came in like normal..wanting to fuck with me since he was much bigger and older than me...But tonite, tommy was different.  He hung out for a second and was talking to me like a friend, rather than his friends bratty lil bro...I was laying on my twin bed, Tommy was across from me on a beanbag chair on his knees...When all of a sudden, he raised up and unzipped his fly pulled out a fat rock hard 15 yr old cock and said...."if you do me...I'll do you"...  I didnt know what he really meant.  I just stared at his rock hard cock with fear and secret  desire.  What really held me up was that my dick was nowhere near his size....and way under developed.  I didnt even have pubic hair yet.  He had a drop of clear fluid directly on his piss slit.  I asked him..What it was.  I had never seen pre-cum before, I knew cum was supposed to be white....To his question though.....You do me and I'll do you... I turned him down.

I really wanted to experiment with him, but I didnt want to show him my dick.

About two weeks later...After getting off the school bus one day...I made my way into the main house..through our unlocked kitchen door....first one home as usual.  I could tell tommy had been in the house cuase I could smell him.  He didnt really stink...But he did have a distinctive smell.  Kinda like a ferret.  Strong adolescent smell of a boy who needs to start wearing deodrant.  Turns out, he didnt go to school that day...and had been waiting for me in my room, detached from the main house..Remember?

I headed toward the bedroom area of the house looking for him...When he tackled me from behind and threw me to the living room floor..He quickly flipped me over, and sat on my chest...at first I was laughing and relieved it was him...although slighty pissed.  He held down my forearms with his knees, unbuckled his pants, and stuck his rockhard boycock in my face....I was scared now...Someone could come in and see us...The patio glass doors had their blinds open...I screamed.. tommy...lets go in my room..I'll do it. He wasnt hearin it...It was like he was mad at me...But looking back..he was prolly just horny....His dick brushed my face and lips, as I was squirming around, under his 50 pound advantage..I swore I would just bit it if he forced it in my mouth...Somehow LOL it ended up in my mouth and within 30 seconds of his 15 yr old hips thrusting it in my mouth like he was fuckin a pussy...He flooded my mouth with what I thought then was the grosset substance in the world... I was crying...and spitting.  Tommy snapped out of it, and pulled up his pants...and told me I wanted to suck his cock, and that I was a Fag....I ran to my room wanting to vomit from the horrible taste of cum in my mouth...

Tommy stayed away from me for a long time after that....and then we moved away couple months later and never saw tommy again...

Now 30 odd years later...I had a question.  I am gay.....I love getting my face fucked by a straight or straight looking(for the technical folks) masculine guy.  In the same position/way that Tommy did me against my will all those years ago.  Was Tommy right?  I guess he was....I am a fag...I love sucking str8boy cock..I love it when they fuck my mouth...like a pussy....or even better...their GIRLS pussy..

Kinda got me thinkin...How much influence that early sexual? expeireince with tommy shaped my adult sexuality.  Im happy with who I am sexually for the most part.  I cant really say it damaged me, although I was scared, and I cried.  I never told anybody.  Till years later.

Anywhow...been working on some new stuff.  Gotta admit, it was pretty difficult at first.  I just couldnt get into it.  Dont know what it was.  I know we have some fans...Get messages all the time from folks  who tell us how much they like the vids and everything...But after what happened with Blaze...I couldnt help but draw/dredge-up the comparison between Tommy and I.  I guess you could say I was suffering from "writers block"

Im over it now I think.   Gotta a new film done.  Im calling it "from Smalltown schmoes to Internet Heroes"  Look for it from our friends at AMVC.com soon.  Got another done also but it aint named yet...Gonna get them outta here soon.

Met a New Model were calling Tom....Just got out of prison  Served 14 yrs for manslaughter...But he did tell me upfront though...Seems kinda nice....Redneck daddy type...Got a mullet...and Not a Single tatto.  14 yrs in prison and no tattoos.  Wild huh?

Anyway...Gotta go

Joe